Random assortment 2005

Happy New Year, everyone! I actually made it until a little past midnight with hubby and the Musielaks to bring in 2005, then I crashed. I'm beat, but it's a good kind of tired. Work went very well. Here are a few little things that I've been musing on--

1) I don't think we're done having children. I've been prayerful since Libby's birth, waiting to hear for God re: "being done" (see previous post). Christmas week I thought I was pregnant and inside I felt a deep joy well up. It was so striking that didn't talk with Matt about it for about 5 days. I waited and prayed, didn't want to knock his socks off until I was sure. Then one evening we discussed it, and I saw this incredible openness in him, a willingness to add another if God would, a readiness to love another life. And it blessed my heart. So I believe God has spoken very clearly to us, and I thank Him for His direction. NWCC, I hate to say this, but if I do get pregnant, you are gonna have one sick girl for nine months. Sorry...

2) Spiritual shepherdess or incognito pastor's wife? As the news has spread at Roswell re: our move, and people find out that I'm a "pastor's wife" I've had numerous spiritual discussions with my co-workers. They ask questions about religion, the pastorate, my faith, and make observations about their own beliefs. It's been an issue that I hesitate talking about b/c I'm more shy about my close alliances with "religion." But as I've been honest about this cornerstone in my life I've begun to see my friends in a warmer light, weaving their spiritual dimension into how I relate to them. I've felt more free to be myself, happier, more relaxed. In Lake Villa and at my new job, wherever that may be, I want to be known for my faith, not my quiet kindness or smiling face, but my spirit. As I'm climbing into my thirties I have a little wisdom that could be an encouragement to my younger (sometimes older) seeking friends. I remember when my dear friend, Jennifer, was digging for spiritual truth from me and I was trying to dodge her, she looked me in the eyes and said, "You're my spiritual mentor." So there. I am starting to learn that it's not about me having answers or sealing the deal, it's about loving and leading by example, and about always being teachable.

3) I'm nervous about being a lead pastor's wife. Might as well admit it. I had a moment of realization a couple months ago and called my mom bawling, "I'm not ready to be a grown-up! I can't be the lead pastor's wife!" And she just laughed, "I've been waiting for this phone call." And she took a few minutes to loan me courage and perspective. Last night I had this awful dream that I was going to my first BBQ with NWCC, dressed in t-shirt and sweat shorts, and after we arrived Matt said to me, "You'll have to go home and change. I think the leaders are upset because you're not dressed nicely enough." Auggh! I awoke so rattled. LOL Oh well.

4) I am so amazed by my husband. He is one of the coolest, godliest men that I know. He warms me with his words and loving kindness. This is gonna be a huge year for him, doing the thing he's been made to do. Lead pastor. As much as the move from Hamburg is hard for the kids and me, it's small in comparison to what Matt is risking. He's leaving a very good situation, one in which the known outcomes are all good, for the unknown. If it wasn't for the voice of God I think we'd be nuts. A few years ago Matt was reflecting on "Desert to Promised Land" experiences, and he said something that kinda surprised me. He said, "I know this sounds silly, but as great as it is, I feel like Hamburg is my desert. My Promised Land is yet to come." My heart is filled with a mixture of emotions for him as he swings to hit his sweet spot. I love you, Honey.

5) I've heard from my friends in Tamil Nadur, India, and Singapore. They and their families are alive, but they have lost loved ones in the killer wave.

Well, Libby and I are enjoying football. She loves the colors and motion... that's my girl!!! Z is napping. This evening will be a little crazy as Dad is preaching and I'm on worship team. Zgodas are baby wrangling for us. I'm bummed to miss my boys in the Rose Bowl! My husband can talk all he wants, State lost in triple overtime to the Wolverines this season. Looks like he'll be wearing blue and gold for another year, hee hee hee.