Early mornings

Izak has generally been a great sleeper all his life, but he has these blips every now and then where he awakens early in the morning (5:30), and struggles going to sleep at night. He will be in bed at 7p, clearly tired when he goes down, but may goof around for over an hour and a half. Happy, just busy. And then up at 5:30a again the next day. Thursday morning was worse, it was 4:45a for some bizarre reason. He will probably do this for a week more and then stop, but what brings it on I'm not sure. Now he sings so loudly that he usually wakes his sister by 6:15a. Needless to say this week I've become familiar with the PBS shows that come on before 7a.

(Warning: Forthright opinions ahead. Do not read on if you are paranoid or overly self-conscious.) Worry and fret used to be a big part of my life. I used to love to pretend like I needed to know the future. If I may be so blunt, it was a really annoying trait that I knew I had but couldn't figure out how to manage. It felt like God didn't provide me with the resources I needed to overcome it. Perhaps. What I actually think He did was allow me to grow and see the incredible immaturity in it, and then He gave me two great distractions, a boy and a girl. The kids are the tools He uses to keep me in today. He says in Matthew, "Don't worry about tomorrow, it's got plenty of issues already. Be in today where I am caring for you and meeting your every need." (paraphrase mine) I remember saying (whining) to my friend, Kathy (a young widow back in New England), "I need to know the future!!!" I swear it was probably all she could do to not slap me. She replied very firmly, "You DO NOT NEED to know a thing. If you did, how do you think you could go on?!? If I had known that I would be alone and Martin would have suffered a terrible death, how could I have lived at all?" So there. Kathy, I'm starting to get it now. It also helped to have a real friend who got in my face about worry, too, and didn't just sit by while I continued to wallow in it.

It also doesn't mean that I don't fear; fear is a feeling that taps on my shoulder occasionally. But God also instructed us not to fear anything except Him. I find great hope and comfort in knowing that God is in total control. I heard it said recently in an article, "God is not surprised. He doesn't pace back and forth up in Heaven, wringing His hands, wondering what to do with me." What a fantastic image. I'll look for the poem and post it if I find it.

So I'm going to take a nap in the peace that God has given me, during these quiet moments as my two babies sleep in their cribs.

And you, my friend... God has not forgotten nor forsaken you either.