I ran away... but I came back

This last weekend I ran away to Buffalo for approximately 48 hours. It was a trip to surprise my friend, Barb, for her baby shower on Sunday afternoon. I just couldn't miss it. Barb and her husband, PJ, had tried for years and years to have a baby. Barb and I were so excited to be pregnant together at the same time last year. We were green and growing when a bomb fell on them. The official diagnosis is "incompetent cervix." She went into early labor, unbeknownst to her, around 22 weeks. She was hospitalized to try to stop the labor. After a week they couldn't hold it back any longer, her water broke, and she delivered her baby. In the process Hannah died. Barb and PJ had called Matt and I for support and counsel during the heartbreaking decisions and stages. We were good friends prior to that... this experience fused us. I was with Barb during the beginning of her labor, Matt visited the next morning and was one of the few people to see little Hannah. Matt took care of the memorial service a few days later, I sang and played the piano. It was a guilt that almost choked me as I stood before them singing songs of comfort with my belly round and active. It seemed so wrong. When Matt told them that we were moving to Chicago they were blown away, and through Barb's tears she cried, "You were the only one who saw Hannah." There are some things you will never forget...

Shortly after we moved, Barb called and surprised me with the wonderful news that they were pregnant!!! I surprised them back by telling them that I was too!!! Once again we are weeks apart with our due dates. She has been closely monitored by her medical team, and all is well! And she's no longer considered high-risk! In a few weeks she'll have a green flag to have that little baby whenever she can! I was hiding in the kitchen when she arrived at the shower a few minutes early. It was soooo much fun to see her reaction, and then, of course, we two pregnant women had a nice little cry together. I said, " We've wept together... now it's time to celebrate!" It was worth every mile to bless her, pray over her, and encourage her. I'm so proud of them. They've remained faithful in the face of devastation, and clung to the promises of God because their very lives have depended on it.

Just for fun I bet Barb that I'll beat her to the delivery room. We'll see... but I wouldn't bet against me. LOL

Seeing my old home was a striking experience. It was as if I'd never left. The fields were greener, and the trees bigger than I remembered. I called Matt from Carrie's and said, "I'm not coming back." I saw precious few friends, as I knew too many would put me in an emotional tailspin. I didn't go to church Sunday because I'm not ready to face 2000 people yet. I only had a little relational margin left. It was so cozy to sit down with old soulmates and share at a deep, meaningful level. I surprised the McGarrys and showed up on their doorstep for coffee. Jennifer, Chuck, and the kids met me at Uncle Joes for breakfast. Aud and I had dinner at Buffalo Street Grill, and Carrie and I sat on the deck while the kids ran in the sprinkler. Deep conversations, insightful questions, revealing answers, an occasional cry. It was almost like a dream... I awoke one morning and clearly thought, "I had the weirdest dream. I had moved to Chicago and Matt got his own church, and we left everything behind... Hey, why am I on the floor in Gavin's room?" It was really, really good to be back.

The best part was that Matt was home with the little ones while I was away, and he did a wonderful job. The slept well, napped well, and were happy when I returned home. He's awesome anyways, but to insist that I go for a weekend by myself was one of the greatest gifts. He's so selfless. So brave. And so thoughtful.

So there. I did run away... but I'm back.