"... As Long as It's Healthy."

This blog might sound on the rant-ish side, because it's something that I've felt very passionate about for a very long time. It's a response to a cultural cliche'. Case and point: Matt and I were out for a wonderful dinner at my favorite restaurant, Benihana's. We were sitting at a table with 5 other people that we've never met. The mother of the family sat next to me, and very pleasantly asked how far I was along. (Not really something that I can avoid these days. The big belly is quite the conversation starter.) Eight months, I replied. And the next question that always, always follows is "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" I reply, No, we didn't find out. Well, this nice mom was so tickled and proceeded to tell me that she didn't find out either because they didn't have good ultrasound machines back then, yadda, yadda, and then the comment that cuts me every time: "It really doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's healthy."

I know that this statement is supposed to be an appropriate, encouraging, cheerful way to end talking with an expectant mom. It has an unspoken good-luck quality, as if one were giving you a charm or shaking salt over their shoulder. Honestly, it's all I can do to keep my big mouth shut and not say something like, "Really??? Is that ultimate the goal here? Is that how I'll know if I've "made it", when I have a healthy, whole child? And what then would you say to all those women, of whom my mother is one, who deliver babies that have obviously not met that standard? Babies that are not perfect, not healthy?!?"

I especially feel like believers could re-examine the use of this trite statement. What if I have a baby that has abnormalities? We would all agree that God loves this baby, God created this baby, God knows this baby. But it doesn't fit the "healthy" description. Did I not pray enough? Did I not have faith enough that this baby would be whole? Did I sin (remember the old Bible stories)? I know all of the answers are "no." So what in the world can we do with a statement like that? In the process of working towards a mother's heart I have come to the point of wanting to please God by joyfully accepting every child He gives me. While I, of course, desire a healthy child, my heart's cry is to be an obedient servant, even if it means that my baby (babies) might not be healthy. Even if it means that God takes me down a different path to do something in me that only a child with disabilities could do... if I could love and trust Him that much... whatever it would take, I would do it.

I personally like this: It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, it will be loved no matter what.

I realize this may come off very b*tchy, perhaps finger-shaking-shame on-you; it's not my intent. People close to me and far from me have made this statement. But can I be honest with the universe? I'm never prepared for the "healthy" statement when I hear it. I often think about moms who have what appears to be a healthy baby, but instead the little one has or develops unseen problems. Hearing, sight, autism, learning disabled, and the list continues. Then heap on top of it the problem that they seem to be a healthy looking child... but a mom's heart is secretly breaking. I have no doubt that growing up in a home with a handicapped older sister is the seedbed of my thinking. It's a way in which having a disabled sibling has irrevocably changed my perspective.

Okay, there's downloading for you. Hope it wasn't too harsh.