Schiavo Case continued

Hi, JMak! Thanks for your comments. To be honest, I don't have many men in my life with whom I speak about these things... husband and toddler. Pretty limited audience, LOL. Matt actually agrees with me in sustaining life as we understand it with TS.

You wrote, "I have noticed that the discussions I get in also seem to be divided in another way. While I agree the husband is a scoundrel, I am not sure why most men I speak with seem to bo OK with taking Terri off her feeding tube (siting humane rationale) and most women I speak with seem to be dead against it (for the same reason). I have not unpacked this further with many of them, but wondered if you found this true?"

Your observation about the men being more verbal about "pulling the plug" sooner is interesting. I've seen it in the ICU. Men can come to the conclusion of ending life-sustaining interventions easier than women. My opinion is only this, opinion, and I do not mean to offend either sex, but I wonder if it has to do with the decisive nature of men vs. the nurturing nature of women. The women are often the ones sitting at the bedside looking into the hollow faces of family/friends, ascribing personality, interpretation and meaning to their existence. Having an older handicapped sibling I've been exposed to an entire subculture of people who were literally chosen by their families, all chosen at birth. Some of them appear to function at the same level that TS does, but their families have "kept them around" all these years, working hard day and night. And while I'm sure that dads are involved, the weight often rests on the shoulders of the mother re: caregiving and direction. I know I don't speak for all women, but we interpret suffering differently. Low functioning is not suffering. Requiring total care is not suffering. Not being able to communicate outwardly is not suffering. Neglect is suffering. Abandonment is suffering. Pain of cancer and erosion of the body from acute disease process are suffering. Starvation and dehydration are suffering.

While we lived in Hamburg we got to know the story of Hunter Kelly, son of Jim Kelly the famous football player. Hunter's mom (and sometimes dad) went to WCH. I got to know Jill a little bit. She was always willing to share about recent developments with Hunter. It took FIVE years for them to figure out how to communicate with him... they use a blink system. Jill was persistent and refused to believe that there was no way to access her son.

Thanks for your thoughts again, JMak. And whatever you want your end of life wishes to be, please at least write them down and sign them. It brings a great deal of peace and clarity to both your family and friends (and the nursing staff who, many times, will end up advocating...). I can't believe I actually put this many cogent thoughts together. Hope it makes sense.

Heidi