Dear Sarah, about contentment...

Dear Sarah, thanks for your email and question. It's a good topic, one I think a lot about, so I thought I'd use it as a basis for this post.

"I know you love being a mom. Do you miss being a nurse? My husband and I have been talking about contentment lately. Can you be content and long for something else at the same time?"

The short answer is yes, I think you can be content and miss something. The past, a happier time, a particular season when you really enjoyed what was happening. One thing to think about is that you never really cease being that person. I'm still a nurse and an artist, even though I'm not currently practicing those skills. I was very fulfilled in those roles, but now is not the season for that expression.

The danger in "longing" is the trap of discontentment, which puts a negative spin on the here and now. "If I only had that paycheck again, oh! the things I could buy and then we'd be all set!" "If I just had... if I just could get out and buy... if my husband would just... if I just could use my degree... then I would be happy and this nagging feeling would go away." Contentment comes from really knowing that everything you have is from the hand of God Himself. It's not banking on the next thing; it's striving to better steward your current life and appreciate God's presence more fully. In that kind of freedom, we find the power to be obedient to the call of Christ on our lives to come away from the culture and be separate. Be mature followers, not merely children who sit and scream at His hem line when we don't have what feels right. Our heart is wicked beyond all understanding, according to scripture. If we are guided by our feelings (which lean towards discontentment and selfishness) then we will spend our life struggling to satisfy our proverbial bellies and never gain traction in genuine spiritual growth. As my husband says, we become ineffective as Christians. Are we going to Heaven? Probably, but we're just marking time until our funeral. That's pathetic, isn't it?

Contentment for me, lately, has been a lot about control... as in, who has it and who doesn't. I have found the deepest state of contentment when I know that I'm doing what God has asked out of a spirit that wants to be His. Let's not talk about the move, that's obvious. How about this... having babies is a very hard thing for me. I struggle with hyperemesis, excessive vomiting, until I deliver. When God moves in my life and impresses on me that I should have (another) baby, I know that it won't be easy because I will lose control of my strength, my body. I didn't want to be a mom for many years, in part, because I was fully aware that I would be out of control, no longer able to go and do and have what I please. Struggling for control with God is, in my mind, equivalent to the toddler trying to grab back the item from Mom or Dad. Red-faced, squawking, and ridiculous! The discipline of surrender is best applied with a quiet heart (talking too much will get you back to the beginning of things without ANY progress - so practice being silent). It's also reinforced by Godly community. We weren't intended to do this life journey alone. I have had amazing, life-changing friendships over the last 6 years that spurred me on (read as: kicked me in the butt) towards Godly contentment. And when I haven't had the goods to make headway out of brokenness, they held me accountable to get help. The goal of a Godly woman should be a peaceful and settled spirit.

I have begun to live by a few basic truths that have served me well. 1) God is not holding out on me... He really does want the best for my life. 2) God is not surprised by any of my circumstances. 3) God wants to make me new. So whether I'm digging out poopy diapers, working in the ICU, crafting a piece of music, "whatever circumstance I am in... I am learning the secret of being content."