Drum roll, please...

Well, some of you have been wondering, and some of you already know. We're PREGNANT! Due October 18th (two days after Izak's third birthday), so I will be 8 weeks along tomorrow. Three in three years, Matt calls it triplets the hard way. Izak and Libby are 19 months apart; this next baby will be 16 months from Libby. Close is fine with me. As a matter of fact I was hoping for 16 months.

No, this was by no means an accident or a surprise. I blogged around Christmas that I felt God stirring a place in my heart for another baby. I am happy to serve Him this way. Amidst the moving from NY to IL, I clearly remember looking at the faces of my family, my children. The thought was palpable, This is the only thing that's real, the only thing eternal... the relationship with my family. Houses get sold, the landscape changes, furniture breaks, faces of friends come and go, but my family, my children are the real inheritance.

I have also come to identify with people who grieve a terrible loss, much greater than mine, and have a baby as soon as they can. In the midst of bone-crushing sadness, a new life is the only thing that can produce joy enough to overshadow it. Not erase it, but eclipse it for a bit.

The first few weeks I wasn't sick at all, so that raised a real concern that I would miscarry. But lo and behold, the vomiting returns. Thankfully, I have left-over Zofran from Libby's in vitro existence. It's tying me over until I can find an OB... and they better gimme! There are no midwives here in IL, due to a huge witch hunt that ensued a few years ago following a rouge midwife's loss of a baby. I'm looking into an all-female MD OB group. Maybe that will feel more like a midwife thing. We'll see.

I am tired, very tired, as you can imagine. And cooking is a struggle. I gauge my nausea on a 1-10 scale - it's how Matt and I can communicate about it. Right now, an 8. We announced it in church Sunday and two women approached me afterwards to offer meals every other week from now till delivery. They also offered to run to the store if there's anything I need and just can't get out. Yes, yes, yes! Thank you!

The scripture that God laid on me heavily a few weeks ago is this: "Unless the Lord builds a house, it's builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord protects a city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." (Psalms) In this time of total transition I am held steady by the fact that when God is consulted on what to do, and how to do it, nothing will escape His eye. No relationship, no event, no difficulty will occur in my life that did not first pass through His loving, strong hands.

Forgive me if I'm not overly expressive tonight. I'm tired. LOL And it's late (7:49 to be exact...). Dear Hamburg friends, I miss you so much during this time. You were so wonderful during my long pregnancies. Please pray for me in this season. Not only that God will sustain, but that I will walk with Him quietly in the wilderness.