Work

Well, Monday was my first day back to Roswell and I loved it!!! Matt had a great day with the kids, he even managed to get showered before I came home (which is more than I've accomplished today). I had a wonderful time. I actually floated to recovery room (PACU), a place where I am gaining expertise and comfort. Now I'm trying to figure out how to get more partial shifts in, mainly in PACU because they can use me for 3, 4, 5, or 6 hours at a crack, and I don't need to be there at the beginning or end of a "shift." The nature of recovery is transient, in one door, out the other, so you don't have to cover a patient for 8 hours. So I'm praying and thinking about who to entrust the kids to, just for a few hours, until Matt can come home and take over. The goal being not to spend the money I'm earning on child care. God bless Matt for even attempting to work with me... the man has a crazy schedule and he does a great job balancing it all.

Work makes me feel powerful, competent, valuable. I like work, but it can be like a drug if I'm not careful. Too much is bad. I found myself looking forward to when Libby is in school so I can pick up more time, and then I felt guilty for wishing this time away... . When I got home Monday and my little girl curled nuzzled into me with her tiny hand touching my chest I thought, "This, this is the most important job." Sometimes it's hard to sort out the immediacy of everything, everything feels urgent. Making more money, getting Libby to learn to sleep without crying, getting Izak to eat food, or at least reject food without flinging it across the room, making more money, getting my ACLS certification, dating my husband (without the 3rd wheel) again-- and the list goes on. I am certain that I am meant to be a SAHM first and foremost. This job is actually what allows the rest of my life to be in balance right now. But, oh, I love work...

I laid Izak down for his nap today and he was having a big ol' party in there! Screeching, laughing, jabbering ~ I could hear things being throw out of the crib, a bottle bouncing off the dresser. All of this is sometimes normal but it seemed much more raucous today. Usually he quiets down and sleeps, but 45 minutes later he's still going strong. As I walked by his doorway to check on Libby, I happened to glance at the bottom of his door. I could see light coming out of his room! And when I opened his door I found that I'd left the light on when I closed him in. Note: Toddlers do not nap well when the light is as bright as day.