A funny thing has happened since moving to Chicagoland's suburban sprawl. I worry about my kids' safety in ways I never have before. I worry about them being snatched out of our fenced-in backyard. I worry about people breaking into their second-story bedrooms, through locked windows, and taking them in the night. I worry about car-jackings when they're in their car seats and I'm loading groceries, or abductions from the cart when I'm not looking. It's a curious thing that I think is founded in my sense of relative isolation. Hamburg was a smaller community, we lived more country, and didn't even lock our doors at night. I lived on the cusp of farmland that could've swallowed my toddler up in moments without a sign. But I felt like I knew, and was known by, the town. It was hard to go anywhere and not see a familiar face. I had an unspoken feeling that people were watching out for me. Here I think they watch me, but wouldn't necessarily intervene. In my heart I know that's not the truth. Midwesterners are known for good-heartedness, and I would step up to help anyone I saw in need. It just must be a weak spot that the Enemy knows to hit.
One late night I was wandering around the house, and I noticed that my computer wasn't closed. As I shut the lid the streetlight from behind me illuminated an outline on the dining room wall. There was someone in my house, right in front of my eyes! Intruder! But before I screamed I figured out that it was actually MY shadow that the streetlight had created. I don't think I've ever been that spooked. I promptly went into the bathroom and threw up.
I spend a lot of time offering this issue up to God in prayer, not so much asking to feel safe as much as taking comfort that He is ever-present. If anything devastating were to occur, would I rest assured that He had not turned His back? Would I know beyond a doubt that His gaze had never left me or my children? His promises are true, I believe that now in the face of security, but would I be faithful to that in the face of devastation? I have begun to think about people in two groups: either my children are safer because of your existence, or they're more endangered because you're in the world. That's fearful thinking, not one that puts forward the truth of God's promises. Lord, help the Enemy to not prevail in this block in my heart. Help me to surrender my children to you everyday, every moment, and know fully that you are the ultimate protector.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I can appreciate what you are feeling--and I have lived in a metropolitan/suburbs area for the entirety of my children's lives (four and almost 6 mos).
I work to remember God's sovereignty, helping to keep an awareness that if something happens, our God is still in control. He is still my Heavenly Father and He never forsakes me. He is not the one who "causes" the fear, trials or tragedies.
There are days that I think if something--anything--happened to my parents, husband or kids, I would never survive it. But, I also recognize that the Enemy is liar and loves to put us in fearful situations.
(Too, I have a vivid and overactive imagination...Satan loves to use this, especially in a dark house at night...)
Oh Heidi, I pray that the Lord will give you peace and keep you wise at the same time. I don't know too much about such things... yes, I have some of those fears some of the time... but living in Singapore helps... but my heart goes out to you for having to feel such fear. God be with you truly... remember, He is Emmanuel.
It's definitely a mom thing. Even Chris at 25, in his handsome deputy sheriff uniform and carrying a gun, could be a target for those who are bent on doing evil. And sweet Bethany in Croatia... not all people overseas are positive toward Americans. BUT GOD has placed them in these positions, and I know that I know nothing will touch them that does not first pass through the Father's hands. I pray Isaiah 54:14 for them.
Blessings!
Post a Comment