Thanks to the family that lived here before us, the entire neighborhood knew before we moved in that Matt's a pastor, making me "the pastor's wife." I actually look forward to new neighbors coming in that don't know our real identities. (Sorta feels like the Incredibles.) You're not allowed to raise your voice at one another while outside, or be too gruff with the toddler, or listen to anything but satellite hymns-r-us radio... not that I would do anything other than that. LOL A very nice lady and her two little girls stopped by selling raffle tickets. I try to buy something from all the little entrepreneurs to make a connection with them (except magazines, NO MORE MAGAZINES!!). Then the mom engages me, "We haven't met. I live at that house, yadda, yadda, yadda... so you're a pastor's wife?" And I wanted to say, "You know, it's really none of your !@$^%! business!" I'm giggling as I write this because I'm having visions of my supressed altar-ego on the loose! This is why I don't drink, people! You WANT me surpressed. Being back in the Midwest brings with it an increased percentage of protestants. With that increased demographic comes an increased number of impressions and expectations of said pastor's wives because of increased exposure. Not to mention my own memories of the "pastor's wife" from my childhood years aren't fond or fuzzy. So I get this twitch in my left eye at the very term. ("Jaws" theme in background.) I smile, grit my teeth and say, "Yes, that's right." Remember, I swore that I'd never marry a pastor. Enter Matthew, stage left.
You know, I put my huge maternity shorts on one leg at a time, and I like to listen to the latest R and B music. I have a problem with wicked thoughts sometimes, and must restrain myself while disciplining my son. I bite my tongue when I stub my toe though I think a variety of descriptive words, and I don't drink because I don't want to, not because it's been put upon me. I get grouchy in the evenings and whine when I'm tired. What you may think a pastor's home is like and the reality of it may be two different things, but it's not my job to try to re-establish people's preconceived notions of the "parsonage." It's also not my job to play the piano and lead Sunday school (a hearkening back to the earlier model of the "wife".) My main job right now is primarily taking great care of my husband, who happens to be the pastor, our children, and protecting my home, just like any other wife would. So there. LOL And I want friends and relationships like any other woman, preferrably not based on what my husband does or doesn't do.
So as for my not-so-secret identity, well, that's mostly between me and God. Btw, Lord, you're funny. Real funny.
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2 comments:
Being a PK I know what the parsonage is like. But I am very convinced the most important person in the church is the pastor's wife. Not that she should be perfect, but noone else knows how to pray as well for the pastor. She is able to tell the pastor he is wrong more easily and have the right to do it.
A pastors wife keeps the house going, because if I us guys would run it, it would go strait to Hell (Michigan that is).
The worst thing about being in a parsonage is having people think that they have the right to tell you your wrong,ect. I was glad when my dad would tell someone when they would complain about my sis or me to mind their own business. I'll tell you Im going to thank Apostle Paul for writing everything is permissible
(OK so my gift isn't incouragement)
I was only a "youth pastor's wife" for about a year and a half. You are so right about people having lots of expectations (for us part of it was the senior pastor's expectations). People respond so differently to "my husband is a civil engineer" than "my husband is a pastor".
Of course there are others like you out there. When Kevin and I got married our pastor's wife was "the neck that turned the head" of their house :) She's a great lady.
And you're in good company if you don't do exactly what others expect. Jesus didn't do what people expected - he did what his father wanted him to.
May God bless your marriage and family as you and Matt minister in the place God has brought you to.
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