They're heeerrrreeee....

Hi, all. Sorry it's been a bit since my last post. I try to keep up with two posts a week. The way I've been feeling (green with my head in the toilet) I've just been trying to get through the days until Matt gets home in the evening. Haven't felt much like talking.

My in-laws have begun landing in the Lake Villa pad, starting last night. SIL, BIL, and three nephews are here for a few days. They're on their way home from skiing in Colorado over Spring Break. The basement is finished and was ready for the boys last night, but there were a few too many new sounds and three too many overactive imaginations. So the five Carys ended up bunking together in the guest room. This morning Izak was thrilled to find his cousins here. And within the first hour of play Izzy had smacked into a corner and received a bloody lip/shiner. Then I hear, "Look at Izak dance on the pool table!" The littlest monkey had figured out how to climb up to new heights. I pretended I didn't hear it for a minute, but then decided to intervene before he broke his neck. This evening the parent-in-laws come with lasagna!. Yum. And Suzy and I will hopefully get a chance to hit Motherhood. I need some summer outfits, since the girls that I shared clothes with are back in NY. Mom gave me money for Christmas that I think I'll use it now.

It's wonderful to have the room for 7 visitors and not displace my own family. The Carys have always been amazing sports when it came to visiting and making due with whatever our current housing situation was. Seminary dorm, one bedroom loft, two bedroom old home... they just pile into these tiny rooms and somehow manage to sleep and enjoy themselves. Troopers!

Another thing that makes me pause before I blog is that when I'm pregnant I become very blunt. Not a lot of diplomacy. I don't get out-of-control emotional or sappy - I get to the point. Maybe it's because I feel so crappy, and the normal coping mechanism is slim to none, but I feel very strongly about things and want to express unfinished, unedited thoughts. And for me, that's a bit unsafe.

Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time for me. I feel like an exposed nerve. It's a time when things happen in me and to me. The physical birth along with the time of transformation that God takes my soul through is so humbling, so intimate. It's hard to explain. It is like walking in the wilderness where you are unsafe, yet protected. I feel the weakness of my flesh. I'm acutely aware that God alone provides everyting I need, including safety. Scripture talks about walking quietly with God. Pregnancy is a time when He is so near to me that I can receive His tender thoughts as my own without much hesitation. His words stick deeply in my heart. It's hard to not have an outlet by which to express my gratitude... leading worship was always a much more powerful time for me when I was carrying a baby (not to mention when I sing the nausea goes away!). And being so far from close women friends who bear me up and surround me with prayer... it's hard. So this particular journey into the wild woods of pregnancy is especially hushed, lonely, and bittersweet-- but in the best ways possible.