Yes, I'm the mom at SuperTarget that drives the huge 19-seat cart that you need a trucking license to operate.
Yes, I'm the mom that picks up a whole bag of spilled chocolate teddy graham crackers off the store floor, puts them back in the bag, and hands them back to the child to continue eating. Yes, I also say, "It's okay, just be careful so we don't have to pick them up again."
Yes, I'm the mom that you hear holding discussions like, "Hey, don't put your penis in the pretzel bowl." "Why?" "Because we don't put our penis where our food is." "Oh, okay, Mommy."
Yes, I'm the mom at the restaraunt that lets my daughter dip everything, everything in ketchup, but has to draw the line every now and then - "No more ketchup in your hair, Honey."
Yes, I'm the mom that is standing in the line at Linens N Things with a tiny toilet seat, calmly explaining to my three year old, "Dora goes poopy in the potty. Boots goes poopy in the potty, and Swiper goes poopy in the potty too." Incredulous toddler, "Swiper goes poopy in the potty too?!?!" Mommy, with a straight face, "Yes, Swiper poops in the potty."
Yes, I'm the mom that sings rousing Wiggles sing-a-longs with the kids while clipping through the grocery store at 3.8 miles per hour. Yes, sometimes I'm the only one singing.
Never thought I'd be a mom. Never thought things like memorizing the Nick Jr. line-up would be important, nay critical information. Never thought I'd have a refrierator magnet collection that consisted of the entire alphabet, farm animals, and a magnet that says, "If beauty is a state of mind then I'm a frickin' genius!" Never thought I'd have en educated opinion about Teletubbies. Never thought I'd sacrifice, bend, or bow to the power of motherhood. Never thought I'd hear myself say, "I have three little kids." Never thought I'd love what I do as much as I do. Never thought losing my old self to this new life would be such a great gift.
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6 comments:
Too, too funny. All of it. Yes, indeed, the picture of motherhood in all it's glory. And, man, the things we have to explain to little boys!!
I love it.
you are truly the bomb!
The things that come out a mother's mouth...
You can join the club I'm going to start one day when I'm 50+. It's going to be all of us moms who have grown children by then, finding mothers of young children in restaurants, grocery stores, targets/wal-marts, and passing out chocolates and roses to them. We say things like, "You Rock. You are an amazing woman for the work you do everyday. Here, have a rose."
Cause man, a little encouragement goes a long way.
My friend recently told me about a woman in line behind her at WalMart who smiled and said, "You hang in there, Mom!" and she about bawled right on the spot.
If I saw you in Target I'd yell, "YOU GO, MAMA!" and then give you a big WHOO HOO!
Love, love this post! You are awesome, Heidi!! This gave me a much-needed chuckle today.
Just another reason for me to write that book, "Words You Never thought You'd String Together Until You Became a Parent!"
Oh my gosh Heidi -- that is just too perfect!! With the tears still streaming down my cheeks from your post up above about your Grandma and the perfume -- now I'm laughing so hard I'm nearly crying again!
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